I’ve always thought the holidays have two sides. On one hand, they’re loud and busy, with malls playing the same songs on loop and calendars packed tighter than they should be. On the other, they can be soft and charming if you slow down enough to notice. That second version is the one I’ve started chasing, and it’s also what elegant women do during the holidays. They make the season look effortless, not because they’re doing more but because they’ve figured out what actually matters.
Choosing fewer but better gatherings
One thing I’ve noticed is that elegant women don’t run themselves ragged trying to attend every holiday event. They pick their spots. Maybe it’s one cocktail party with close friends, or a long dinner with family, and the rest they gracefully decline. It’s not about pulling away from people. You just end up having a better time when the calendar isn’t crammed.
I once went through a December where I said yes to everything. By the time New Year’s Eve arrived, I was tired, cranky, and felt like I had lived on hors d’oeuvres for three weeks. These days, I’d rather do what my aunt does: one big Christmas Eve dinner, one quiet coffee date with a friend, and the rest of the month left open for small things that make me happy.
Dressing with ease
Holiday style isn’t about sequins or sky-high heels. The women I look to keep it simple: a silk blouse under a cashmere cardigan, velvet trousers that move easily, a wool wrap coat that even makes jeans look polished. It’s not about shine, it’s about the feel of the fabric and the colors you choose.
I love a pair of understated earrings with a black dress or a simple ivory sweater with tailored trousers. It’s not about sparkle. It’s about clothes that look just as good at midnight as they did at seven when you first put them on.
Hosting with thought, not pressure
There’s a way of hosting that feels like a performance, and then there’s the kind that feels like being welcomed into someone’s home. Elegant women do the latter. The table doesn’t need twenty perfectly folded napkins or three centerpieces competing for attention. A linen cloth, a few candlesticks, maybe a small bouquet of evergreens is enough.
A friend of mine hosts in the easiest way. She’ll put on a pot of soup earlier in the day, grab a loaf of bread from the bakery, and maybe slice up some pears for dessert. Nothing complicated. But every time we leave her place, it feels like the nicest night.
Making time for small rituals
The holidays can pass in a blur if you don’t stop to notice them. Elegant women always seem to carve out little rituals that slow the season down. It could be lighting a candle while writing cards, playing the same album every year while something bakes in the oven, or taking an evening walk just to look at the lights.
For me, it’s sitting down at night to wrap gifts with a cup of tea and some old movie on in the background. Nothing fancy, just paper, tape, and the snip of scissors. It’s a little dull, but somehow I look forward to it every December.
Gifting with intention
When it comes to gifts, elegant women don’t buy for the sake of filling space under the tree. They think about what will last. A book with a handwritten note inside. A scarf someone actually reaches for in January. A bit of jewelry that comes with a story.
One of my favorite gifts is a silver bracelet my cousin found in a small shop while traveling. She just said, “It felt like you.” It wasn’t expensive, but I still wear it often and think of her every time. (If you’re looking for inspiration, our old money accessories guide has some ideas.)
Staying present at the table
Phones have a way of sneaking into every moment. But the most elegant women I’ve sat across from during the holidays keep them tucked away. They listen. They ask questions. They laugh at the stories being told even if they’ve heard them before.
I’ll admit I used to scroll under the table at big family dinners, pretending I was just checking the time. Now, I notice how much better the night feels when nobody does that. The conversations deepen, and suddenly you’re hearing about things you never knew.
Letting others shine
At holiday gatherings, the elegant women I’ve noticed are the ones who let other people take the spotlight. They’ll steer the talk toward a cousin’s new job, clap the loudest when a kid plays carols, or make sure the cook actually gets credit for the meal. It doesn’t feel staged, just small gestures that make the room warmer.
I once watched a friend do this at a Christmas dinner. She kept asking small questions that drew everyone in, from the youngest at the table to the oldest. By the end of the night, people who hardly spoke most years were telling stories and laughing. It struck me how easy it looked, and how much warmer the whole evening felt because of it.
Balancing social and quiet time
The holidays can turn into one plan after another, but the women I think of as elegant always leave space for themselves. A slow morning in bed, a walk before the house wakes up, or even just slipping out for a quiet coffee.
I like that mix: noise one night, calm the next. A crowded dinner, then a day of leftovers. It keeps the season from feeling like too much.
Sending handwritten notes
One habit I always admire is how some women still send handwritten notes. Not just thank you cards after a party, but little holiday notes in December. There’s something grounding about receiving a card in the mail. It slows down the pace of everything else.
It doesn’t have to be dozens of cards. Even a few notes feel special one for a neighbor, one for a friend far away, maybe even one you tuck aside for yourself next year.
Keeping traditions alive (but lightly)
Finally, the most elegant women I know are good at keeping traditions alive without being rigid about them. They’ll bake the family recipe for gingerbread but let someone else decorate however they like. They’ll keep the ritual of a tree, but maybe with fewer ornaments. They’ll light candles, say a few words, and then let the night unfold naturally.
In my own family, we have a tradition of a big Christmas breakfast. Scrambled eggs, toast, sausages, the whole thing. But one year, we were all tired, so we ordered bagels instead. And you know what? It still felt like our tradition, just lighter.
The older I get, the more I realize that the holidays are not about piling on more. They’re about choosing well: gatherings, clothes, food, even words. What elegant women do during the holidays is not a mystery. They simplify. They enjoy. They find the charm in small rituals, and they don’t lose themselves in the noise. And that, really, is the best gift of all.
